For these past 3 days, I stay awake and sleep around morning. Reason?
I don’t know as I still want to fix my sleep schedule, but more likely it’s not going to be but I have my reasons, of course.
It’s because of how I’m not sleepy or can’t fall asleep easily, and as the result, couple days already I decided just, to cook for lunch in after dawn.
As simple as I learn about my body, I realize that, if I get up late, I missed cooking for lunch, and my parents had to go out to restaurant, which if for every day, it’s not good for them as their age these days, plus, expenses increase. Except if both of them have meetings or few groceries stuff to buy.
So for couple of days, I think if it’s just how I feel good, just alright to go with how my body is rather than to force my body sleep, it’s somehow stress me out. I don’t like that either. That’s when I think, why not just stay awake – after dawn, cook for lunch so there’s foods. Done early, I can go to bed as my eyes will start to get sleepy. It’s just like nurses who stay awake for night shift, of course they’ll get sleep at daylight.. If not, when? They need to sleep too.
So I think, it’s not wrong at all. True at night where our body feels good and energetic in the morning, but maybe some people just don’t. Maybe, me also? I still observe myself, my body time to time these days. It’s stressing sometimes, but that’s why I ended up just what I put in this post, I just go with how my body is.
Okay. That’s pumpkin’s flowers but I don’t think it will grow a pumpkin even..
Yesterday was tough, as usual and obviously with my sleep schedule.
It’s alright. I think I just go to bed after this.
Since I just stay awake yesterday, I decided to cook for lunch early. All simple one.
As for simple lunch, I go with rice first.
I decided to harvest my own Spinach, which grow and still growing in bins in front of my room house. All already old. They produced more of its seeds. So what I did? Cut the steam, then cut all leaves, and took all the seeds out by my hand. And just spread it every time, from every steam that I cut.
When I cooked, just always simple one. Not much salt for knowing my parent’s health at their age. So, I got like a bowl of Spinach.
After Spinach, I asked if my dad can cook us an omelette, his style, always taste good and taste of his love, I guess since its taste a bit different than mine after many times I have to notice that part.
Another simple menu, potatoes with anchovies cooked with sambal, or we called “masak pedas“, mean cooked spicy. It’s chillies that had been blended, make it as sauce for the potatoes and anchovies. I might share about what sambal is in the future.
So above, that was how my plate yesterday. And every day too, if I cook, and eat at home.
My sleep schedule is not really good, obviously my brain active more at night and still trying to at least have my sleep at night.
So. Recently or, like, these past few weeks I’m working on something. Something that I love too, just like how I love doing my artworks. Which I decided to share with you guys in here, soon. And for this latest one too.
It’s, well.. Actually, something that I’ve been doing years. But stop for a long time. Like, my after secondary school era. So it was so long ago I stopped doing it. But these past years, which I can’t remember before or at early beginning of pandemic, or a year before pandemic hit…? I started doing it again! I was like, “I still get itttt”. Crazy to think about it, and so, I’ve been working on about it.
I’ll be sharing in here, time to time, as I said before, but I think I’ll be sharing my artwork things first of all, before this latest one. So….
For staying awake, I decided to cook something simple.
It’s also, my style of burger. Yes, burger. One of my favorite food. But my way my style, it’s a simple one.. Obviously.
I craving for fish fillet one, like 2 weeks already..? I don’t know why but it keeps coming to me so I decided like, “why not?”.
Usually, and this is my style. Our area is humid, very. More rain plus, lately and couple of years back we received more rain than usual. So. Hardly ever I want to buy actual burger breads. Me and family only stick to our all time favorite, our country’s favorite – Gardenia, white breads. This one just tip top! So recently I bought their hazelnut spread and latest, dark chocolate milky spread, awesome one for easy snack or something.
Back to my burgers. Yea, if I use Gardenia white bread, like photo above I usually have. 2 patty, 2 white breads only, and chilli sauce with mayonnaise, mayonnaise are my favorite. I had this way with beef patty or simply one, and the fastest, with fried eggs. Round fried eggs. I love it, have it with chilli sauce with mayonnaise, it taste so good.
Why 2? Run in family from mama, who is a diabetic.. So, I learn and practice to control whatever I feel or want to eat. If i want to eat rice, or anything organic, it always come down to the portion. The portion is the key, I can say. I can’t remember how long already I have been practicing this for myself. If we go to restaurant, it’s alright i tell myself to eat more than the amount of portions. Specially rice. But most of time, specially at mamak restaurants, I’ll ask them to reduce the portion of the rice.
I think my habit of it stick so hard now. At home? Same. Only quarter of the plate of rice, and more veggie and protein sources.
But it’s alright and it’s okay to snack like what I share here. It’s taste good too!
As within time I started back active blogging, I and my family dealing with rough decisions, which soon, I, who love the hills view, will missed the view..
So much, I’m gonna miss my garden to be area. Which believe it or not, I finished it. Remember my post about the garden’s door? Yes. But with heavy rain, sometimes come with thunder and lightning, I didn’t make it to softening the soils, mixture, and no plant or vegetable that I managed to relocated.. I feel bad, really, because even my dad put his energy into the area, by set up the fence and welding.. End up, we don’t get to see any veggies grow there..
While that’s what happened, surprisingly, all bins with veggies in front of my house, growing. Specially my pumpkin!
Yes. Morning here.
So my Spinach bins full of them, and they still growing. But after long time, this one and only pumpkin finally blooms. As it will be the pumpkin, I really hope that. As I want to cook and have the taste of my own growing. Just now I wonder and thinking, how I can take it with me soon to new place..? It’s heavy. And I still dealing with my long covid..
I plan on doing some clearing, soon. With amounts of rain, any time will come mosquitoes. Hard for me to do my gardening thing with them surrounding me.. Like, seriously…
So now I just hope it will grow a pumpkin, at least, a pumpkin.
Try to keep up here too while did it something new.
Yes, did it. And, people say write if you feel something right. Here I am.
As an artist, visual artist, I’ve always or constantly have doubts. True, as a human and as a person, and I believe many of us, you out there too.
We can’t avoid it, I think? It’s a tough question sometimes I wonder, as in my field, art scene, it’s always a need for artists, singers, performers, actors, actresses, musicians, dancers, and even designers and crafters and even writers, bloggers – all of them, all of these people needs to be confident, almost at all times, as to me, as artist myself. But of course people in other fields too. It’s, I think, part of us? Having doubts..? Or we human shouldn’t have it? What do you think, you can comment, but not to correct in this matter, as I write on behalf of myself.
Doubts, it can comes and goes, I think and believe it’s depending. Depending on how a person upbringing, their surroundings, with who they mingle around with, their capabilities of thinking which one I think the most important part of us, and suchlike. It’s a contribution to us, which develops us into who we are in this world, and on society.
Doubts, it even causes a lot in our minds. Even thing like age can be a topic. True is, it’s not us personal point of view when comes to age topic, but society’s. Maturity and age always being links together, while in reality, it can’t, not much or always. People told that our maturity even thinking must come close, or must be exact like our age – while in reality, it can’t be. It’s different from each one of us, like I said, different upbringing and all. You can be 27 but your personality and all doesn’t look like and it’s okay! Even if you’re in 30s, it’s alright. I believe our maturity comes naturally, plus with all we experience in life.
So…. Why, doubts? I myself feel like it, time to time. And I noticed how in my field constantly campaigning to us artists, to be confident, like seriously. Which I think I have hard time to be so, while at the same time, I’m trying. Which to me, it can be toxic. Positive thinking being told, none stop, time to time, until some people started talking about “toxic positivity”, explained – at the end of the day, go with how your body feels but not too much until you can’t be down or dealing with your doubts.
Not easy to remove doubt and have confidence. No. It’s taking time. It’s taking effort and energy. Not having a confidence is one of topic that, to me, people just simply say, “you can do it”, “be positive”, and such, while in reality, some of us dealing with trauma, some with burnout, some with medical condition, or even struggling that come again and again, that some people don’t see it or even know it.
With doubts, even I feel like it, time to time I telling myself to keep on going, while there’s doubt inside. Because I did something which I will share in here in the future, if I want to. Art related too. This one too, takes time, so yea. But although I have doubts I just said to myself, “let’s just do this again, this time!”
So… You can be positive while you feel doubt about something, but we have to keep on going.. That’s all I can do, and we can be, but every each one of us different, so this one is just on mine. If you out there have no doubt at all, that’s something. Keep on going.
Just remember, take our time when we feel like, whatever we feel at the moment.
I’m not gonna go deep and detail in here. All are in generally when come to my opinion, although sometimes I will put in writing word of “me”.
Okay…. We human, we deal with things right. Ups and downs. Weather between people at school, or at work place, or at art gallery deal with things alike, or even at home. Isn’t it? Right..
I think, it’s part of life? Maybe? It’s tough when we as human want to as we want, like, we picture ourselves in good as we imagine things in our lives will be, or in some time, as our life should be.. We know deep down it won’t be, isn’t it? But we still do and picture things will work out as we want, knowing it won’t or at least, not always be that way.
With things like stuff or work of our job or career, we deal with it and will off from it if it doesn’t work the way we want, but, if with people around us, sometimes it’s tiring. Tiring in here, I mean, when there’s things we think it will never happen and it ones that draning us, just between us towards others.. The feeling, is just strange and overwhelming, knowing what happens between us and others is breaking out – like any, not specifically in here okay.
So then we have a period where we feel bad, we feel everything and we feel like it doesn’t make sense. Then after, we will come to accepting? Like we know, no matter what, we can’t force people, or tell them, or want them, to choose us. That’s where we feel like we know, it’s alright. It’s ok and it’s time to move on.
Even if it’s the feeling, to move on, it’s taking so much time, amount of energy and effort to do so, to make it so, to make it happen even. It’s taking time but its okay, although deep down in ourselves, we feel like it might not gonna be. But guess that’s how life is? That’s what make us learn how to deal and faces people and situations, in our lives, I guess? It’s, growth? Isn’t it?
As we human. Not perfect. And not gonna be. But we can only the better version of ourselves. That’s all, and be real.
And relocated just few of my plants. The truth was until yesterday that I managed to relocated those plants. Not many but I just know I can’t wait any longer, as those baby plants need room to grow better.
2 chilies and 1 pumpkin.
For this first time on the new area and soil, as I did once back in 2020, if I’m not wrong, just different area, I just kind of monitor them for time to time, while I’m ready for new batch of seeds to sow.
A bit tough for now, as weather change so much these days in my area. The result, my recent sowing didn’t sprout at all.. I was kind of frustrated. But it’s alright. Some take time to sprout isn’t it? So else than that, I just cleared up and cutting off for maintenance. Specially for wild moss that grow so much since me and my father clear the area last year.
Yesterday was great.
I decided to get back to usual evening routine, with my gardening, seeds, and get active.
Since I caught up with Covid, like almost 2 months ago, which I was in a week with the flu, fever symptoms, I was worried or scared…? As my chest does feel pain sometimes and still have dry cough from the infection.. It’s tough but yes, slowly I’m on it again.
After couple of months, with me facing covid and symptoms after it, I was kind of worried about my body condition. What I mean how if I do gardening things can effect on myself?
So far nothing serious. And yesterday, midnight writing here, now. So yesterday was the last important part of the garden to be, the door!
Finally my garden have the door. It’s so important as I, we family our goat pet, name Miss Kembang.
Back to the door. It was all thank you to my sister, who moved in back with me, us. She the one that set up, drilled the screws, and set a simple lock system for the door.
Yes. I’m the one who choose the wood pallet as the door. It was 2 years old already, if I’m not wrong? Since pandemic hit, stay still in our garage, so I said “why not?”
Last on list, I will paint it. Of course using exterior paint, so probably oil based paint. And still deciding and thinking what colour. I feel like blue, but at the same time pastel kind of colour. And maybe as with my sister’s plan, we might set a pergola above my garden’s door. As with weather conditions in my country.. So, need one. See what we will up to, soon.
Front view of my garden. Still tons to do. But at least I got water set!
I have to do everything slowly, as I can feel the after covid effect on my body. I just hope nothing serious insha Allah, and eat well.
2 bags only…. As price increase, I decided to be on budget everytime.
These 2 bags of peat moss are imported from Euro, as in description at the packing.
And new seed!
Cosmos Mix, for this one? As I learned, and the reason I bought this seed it’s because for the leaves. In here, our ulam, which raw and various of leaves to eat with rice and our kind of dipping sauce, we called sambal or belacan. Of course both of these and ulam leaves are eat together. We will pick and clean them, and ready to eat. Can check my post which I wrote about ulam.
So I still not sow it. But I will.
Recent weather not really sunny. So I think I might wait just a little bit longer, when sunlight is more than usual.
As for now, I need to focus on my body and health, after my Covid last time.