Some Thoughts: Half Year MCO

It’s been awhile, but I think it’s alright.. Try to keep up again, and again.. That’s me I guess..?

How about you out there?

Here again, as I just sat on wooden chair, outside of our home, with my little sister’s cat, Sepet. The air was just nice, cool, and of course it is as I shot this about less than 10 minutes before 7pm.. My country time.

Nothing much I do. I just sat and patted Sepet, while chill out, look at the sky.. Few days ago there was rain, non stop, and two days already no rain and sunny day, hot, you can even hang some clothes and it will dry and crisp.. I like the smell somehow..

Like early this year, and now passed half year, my country still on MCO – Movement Control Order. As we know, pandemic still happening and sad to know that 6 days before Tokyo Olympic 2020 start, we got the news at the Olympic Village.. I really hope to watch it when it starts soon, of course to watch my athletes from my country to go one on one, at least there’s something we can do while facing MCO and pandemic and all.. Not feeling so off at home and reality.

But, although it’s half year already, I still dealing with personal matter, privately personal matter, which I like to call and totally no details or what’s so.. I dealt once, early this year. But I don’t know why or what, but I started to wonder again – are we really like, can feel like we’re in change to the next phase of life?. Like from baby, to adolescent, to adult, but that’s physical. I mean in spirituality or something like we’re getting old or something like, has to do with our soul..?. Like, from party and carefree and without realize, slowly we like change – like we’re not like who we used to be, like a year ago?.

I think, and believe that many of us do feel it. I don’t know personally, but I just wonder, maybe it is?.

Yet.. Somehow somewhat, some people have or get the best way of life, in their lives.. Some didn’t, or people said “not your time yet”. Which I just don’t know about it, or what to say.. Because some people, did everything as best as they could ever give. Yet.. It’s like, they hurt in same thing, same way, just from different people in their lives or matter, specifically I mean.. It’s really something that, they wish they could erase or not go through it.. Life, it’s weird.

Well, I guess.. That’s what life is?

Even in this pandemic, we see lots of things – from politic, to economy, to society help each other, some part protest, some fight, weather it’s for good reason, it happens when there’s bad….?.

Like, the Moon even shine in dark, with stars around. Like sunlight after rainstorm, there’s rainbow.. Life, ups and downs, what goes around, come around.. We human, and life itself, has a phase, I think..?.

Crazy, isn’t it…..?

Well, see if you can spot the Moon at early twilight from my photos. Stay safe people.

Gardening: New Port And Kangkung Bin

It’s kind of cloudy day, but it’s sunny most of the day.

No update since last one, a week before Eid Day, I just so busy plus, my phone have battery life problem which I don’t like it at all.

I’ve decided to set new area for my gardening. After Eid Day, my old area, which I did wrote about it in here, turned out totally messed.

Wild bushes just grew taller and packed, surrounded the area. Those woods that I used for fence, all down. As the result, I choose to go with where I don’t need to be mess with mud, which it’s front of my house/room area.

Photos above, where I replaced my kangkung veggie, which my favorite and family, and okay for my father to have it in meals.

I decided to go with the method, by using old bins that I found around our home. And soil?. Yes, I made that soil as you can see in the photos. Which I softing it from where I dug up. Mixed with naturally composed leaves, that fell, of course. Hoe-ing and gloves, with my hands, I just mixed up the soil.

I go with my old kangkung, first photo above, and some parts of it, I used kangkung‘s roots from market, which my parents bought it. Of course, not all from market one survive, almost all not this time around. While ones where I picked, almost all started grew new leaves. Make me happy with hope soon, like another 2 weeks, at least, growing more leaves. And wait until they blooms their flowers, so I can get their seeds.

Yes, I used plastic packages to plant seeds. I think it’s alright, as long as it all grow out?

The first photo, the day I seedlings. After 5 days, kangkung‘s seeds, first pack sprouts out. And third photo, late evening yesterday I snapped it. And yes, as today is my outdoor work day, I might relocate them, in their new bin bed. Maybe. Since they all still small.

My new area, it’s just small, but it’s alright as I don’t need extra work to cover, to clear grass that grows something like that. But the extra on the part where I need to do my own mixture of soils, and bring a bag of it to transfer it in to the bin. Have some other bins to fill, so it’s really take time with new area now. But of course it’s not just kangkung. There’s some other too. Will update once I can. Kind of busy actually, with rest and chilling too, of course.

New post soon, any what that I’ll up in here.

Some Thoughts: Sleep Schedule And Sleeping

Morning here. Need my nap soon. Which I should already..

I love morning time. What I mean by, where it’s around 8am, like that. Misty fog start to get clear. Cool breeze yet, there’s sunlight already. Leaves full with small spots of water.. It’s feel fresh and calm, which I really love to feel again.

But, as my sleep schedule just mess, I just feel I need to fix it. I need to. At the same time, which I think it’s not only me, but many others out there, where – the more we try to fix, the more it’s not working. I’ve been in for long time. I don’t like that. I love to go walk around my house ground, seeing flowers and my small garden.. Which now I’m not doing it, but after Eid, I’ll back to it.

So, it’s hard. Sleep is important. To some, it’s matter of hours of sleep. They don’t mind about at night or morning, any time, if you sleepy, just go. Which I agree. But I have things that need to be done, every day, so need sunlight – natural light, since I do outdoor work. Only at night I’ll be able to do my artworks.

I read some said – if you up and walk in early of morning, not only it’s good for physical, but also to mind, mentally and emotionally. It’s boost our overall health, which I think it’s true. Also for like our focus?. I think. That’s why I feel like I need to fix. For people who have hard time to fall asleep, really, we’re not joking about we can’t sleep or hardly to lay down, close our eyes, and just like that, sleep. No, it’s crazy. Even the sleep schedule is good, for sometime, after awhile it can break and the cycle to fix it, not easy.

A bit pressure to do it. But to me, I just need to, and after Ramadan, I hope I can. I hope for people who deal with the same thing, and wanted to fix it, hopefully you can..!

Okayyy. I love that sunlight, specially to photograph my artworks. But nap first..!

Some Thoughts: Headache And Dizzy

Last night was tough. Had panadols for headache. It’s not always headache, it could be migraine. Isn’t it?

Our sahur is around 5.15am. Like that, I mean. So this was my sahur for today (since in morning, AM). Rice with baked chicken, parents bought it. With few leaves of round cabbage, and Milo. Lastly, a glass of water. Had quater of jacket fish, in my language ikan cencaru sumbat sambal (sambal filled). It’s where, the back bone of the fish is cut, pocket cut. Then fill with chilies, onion, which is smash using lesung. Then fry the fish. All bought, I didn’t cook it for this time around. Maybe I will. Just don’t know when.

I had migraine, just last night. And some dizziness, after woke up hours ago. So, I guess maybe it was because of how fast I got up.

My thoughts on this matter, I kind of worry. To think deep and want to know what causes it?. I feel dilemma to know even. I could say I have panadol, which is paracetamol, where I can get it almost every store, any kind of store. I have frequently, sometimes. Sometimes I don’t at all. To talk about health matter, well, we all have it. Even for it, we need money. It’s a painful reality to learn that you want to be healthy – in terms of dealing with pain, physically like illness or fever, to get better, you need money.. For swab test in pandemic, you need to pay.

What I learned about headache and migraine so far, it’s somehow how our body signal to us, what we lack in whatever inside. It’s the same system in our blood. You know – virus or bacteria in, white blood cells fighting. Yea, that’s the one. Our body has its own unique system. But some go the other way around, which it’s really sad when we know and learn.

Since it’s fasting month, maybe I should drink more water. Our body just can signal us, but to know what we lack of, of course it’s on us.

I hope no more headache, migraine, and dizziness in next few days. I want things, my body and health, all healthy. I think like everyone else wants.

Whoever read this, I wish you all in good health. Stay safe..!

Some Thoughts: Need More Energy..

Sleep schedule, well, not sure how I can fix it.

Just done with sahur. So I had rice, without veggie.. Which I feel like wish I did.. Well, with chicken merah (red), and dessert called, I don’t know exactly but it tastes like kuih seri muka, yet it looks like kuih talam. I love traditional desserts, so many of it, specially in Ramadan. Just limited for this year also, as we living in new norm. I just.. Ugh. Hope all this pandemic things, go away fast. And of course, energy drink, Milo. And lastly, a glass of water.

So, last year’s Ramadan, a week plus few days, before Eid Day. I ended up sleeping and woke up late. No cooking for the last week of the Ramadan. Which I wondered why, at the time. And here again, I started to noticed the same thing. Quite worry, to say that I started to feel like it. While knowing that I, had meal for berbuka (break fast), and sahur, kinda well – which includes carbs, protein, vitamin, and sugar. Maybe too much of dessert because, well, I love it haha. But it’s strange that I started to feel un-energetic. Which thing that I so worry since, because I’ll fall asleep and ended up late, and no cooking.. I don’t like it..

So far, I control whatever I have to. My diet specially. But sleep hmm.. I think it’s the cause?. To my un-energetic phase?. It’s like graft chart – from top, to drop.. Like, what’s going on to be exact.. But I hope it’s just a normal phase. As there’s short documentary explain about this kind of conditions, happen in Ramadan.

So yea. I think and hopefully, it’s just a phase. And I hope, after this, I can get back to my gardening, which I can’t wait to play with soil, and make my front house full with pots and greensss.

Some Thoughts: Sleepiness..?

Yesterday’s just I consider myself really sleepy. Even I had a nap, it was totally not a good one. Should I be worried?

So I had rice, a small portion of mackerel, and lettuce salad leaves, so far two leaves only. A mug of Milo, a kuih pelita (Malay traditional dessert), and last one, a glass of water. But additional half a glass, after that. And forgot to have a slice of wholemeal bread with peanut butter and jam or strawberry jam, so I would be feeling full, through out the day of fasting.. And I totally forgot..

My sleep schedule just a mess, even before this year’s Ramadan.

And last night, at midnight, I was totally sleepy. The thing is, the sleepiness, how I can describe it as – partial sleepy, between wanting to stay awake, but don’t want to be both either conditions. Kind of worry, as sleep is a need and play role in our lives as human. I don’t know what the cause, I wonder sometimes. But at the same time, thinking about it can lead to some other wondering. If you get what I mean.

So, usually, I just go with how my body feel. Yea, there was time, being like this and suddenly, just like snap – sleepiness kicked in, I was so sleepy, I just wanted to sleep. It’s like, our body can fix, alter some of stuff or what our body needs to be able to make a move when we up in the morning. Crazy if to think, right?. Like white blood cells trying to fight some bacteria or virus, if it get in to our body. Amazing.

Well, guess I should. So yea, a nap. Thinking about what to cook, every day.. My brain need a rest too, right. So give ourselves a time to relax, chill, rest, lazy, once awhile.

Maybe it’s just like a medicine to some we want to fix, a little bit. Like sleep schedule.

Some Thoughts: Misty Morning

Just done watch series on Netflix, of course, for now. Still continue the series.

Can say it’s very foggy, misty today. I decided to take a nap in living room, near my work desk. Since it’s monsoon season, my state experience thunder and heavy rain. Hardly to see blue sky, for awhile and missing it, actually.

Maybe for now, this section will be what I’ll be doing. And sahur thing, thought, like that.. Not bad for me. I hope anyone who read, enjoy it.

As photo above, my sahur. Just same one from our break fast, early yesterday’s night. It’s tomato rice, Ayamas chicken, and lettuce salad leaves. Had donut, Milo, and last one – a glass of water.

Watch Netflix series and, thinking about my sleep schedule, which I feel like, seriously not good.. I didn’t feel really sleepy like I used to. I feel like I need that sleepy, so I can just sleep, right after lay on bed, like some people who born just like that – sleep. Lucky them.

Thinking also about my gardening routine. As I can’t keep up with it, for now. As I have my nap after dawn. While in the after noon, thunder and rain cloud already above. Lightning appear and sound loud, scared me. Even on other time, if there’s thunder and lightning, I wouldn’t go outside. If I’m gardening at the time, I’ll just have to stop. Raining season and energy, uhm hehh kind of drop.. So, just don’t force ourselves, right?. Maybe after Ramadan, I’ll get back to it. Really hope that.

As for today, I think I’ll cook something. Additional menu, I have just to wait. It’s pass dawn already, sunlight appear and mist slowly gone.. And, now, just a nap.

Some Thoughts: Chilling Day

Guess I keep blogging, as I think for this year Ramadan.. Energy not really cooperate.

I had two wholemeal bread, eggs, and tuna mayonnaise mixed, and cabbage leaves. It’s last part of round cabbage by the way.

Just nothing much, until I get what I can put on my blog, like topic or something, this section only I guess. I have actually.. Just.. Time. Because mostly I just feel like chilling, lately, specially after cooking.

Today maybe the day, since I no need to cook. Parents will be at meeting, check out my siblings, and just waiting for foods, for break our fast. We need that kind of day, right?. Lazy day, they called it. I need it too, I think. Just for today, and just at night, I’ll cook for sahur. Usually, just simple menu. Target for energy, eggs and rice for others, for me, like the photo.

“Lazy day”. I read about it back then. And truth is, it’s reduce stress, hormones that not good for us, if we let ourselves being in it. I did talk about this with my parents, siblings sometimes. It’s a need, a must, once awhile, to remove unwanted ones in our body, which can effect us. There’s movies that picturing this one matter, will put my thoughts in the future.

So, I think, just today. But of course, everything else, need to get it done. Which any of it. If I feel not doing it, I just keep it at one point, continue doing it the next day. It’s never ending things, isn’t it?.

So, yea.. I hope you guys who read this, please do the same, if you feel so. If it’s just not you, it’s alright too.

Some Thoughts: Schedule On Ramadan

Just done with sahur, and I make sure last one is a glass of water.

I had the same food for sahur today, just like for break our fast, of course for family members too.

Mine with Milo, and wholemeal bread, with two kinds of jams, half of the bread, thin. That’s how I have my bread nowadays. It’s been a long time now, I keep my meal plates, for every day. But a bit different than usual, as on Ramadan, even my schedule just.. Broken.. That’s the word I could described.

Fasting in Ramadan is more than just physical, it’s for whole of us as human. So sahur, it’s for energy, through out the day. I found out with two slice of bread, adding eggs, salad leaves or whatever, feel less hungry, than having rice. For me, so far. But both good. Strength, I saw many fitness coaches said that, level of strength drop, but depending on a person too. With what a person has for break fast and sahur. Because, truths is, many do stuff like gardening, landscaping, and exercise an hour before break their fast.

As for me, my schedule, my energy, everything, like scattered (haha). Cooking, artwork, pets, and some day personal stuff to handle, can just mess. People forget that sleep is a need, that’s people’s problem..

So far, schedule just okay. There’s day I can focus on my artwork and chilling, watch Netflix. There’s day not even I sit, doing my artworks. And back again on blog?. I hope I can keep up, no more long time break like, last time…?. I don’t like it either, but, I’ve been dealing with things.. So, yea. Oh, gardening things will be back after Ramadan, I hope. Can’t catch up with it, so, let go right.. Hopefully, after this.

Okay. A nap after dawn. That’s the schedule.

Some Thoughts: Thoughts 2

I feel like to continue about yesterday’s, regarding life – point or moment that change us in life, in every aspect.

Can’t remember when I took the photo above, maybe early this year?

I, express a bit of what I’ve dealt with on my IG story. More than any other social medias of mine, because I feel not too expose. As we know, these days, we, people express or vent by writing or post online, but many still prefer to share with whom they trust.. But, not always there’s people who want to lend their ear and shoulders. And it’s.. The sad thing.. Specially, to people that go through so much, ones that gives all of them..

But, people said “it’s what life is all about”.. Life. What we want in our lives?. To be exact, I don’t think people these days really know, of course including myself. As anyone else, I have my struggle, just.. Hardly now I want to share.. See how we human have become.. So, with social media, it’s like additional field nowadays. Like, business – so many fields and branches. In one field, it has so many sub-field, just, many.

Career path, they say. As an artist.. Of course I love it. At the same time, I’m not at all..

It’s what we have learned and to know, what we want to be, since school. To continue study, get certificate, and build career?. Finished school and business?. Or just do whatever that can make money, like non stop..?. Little that we know, as time goes, things change a lot. And more and more, number of people stress and pressure, anxiety and depression hits hard since last century.. Just to make money.

Money – one of need, we can’t deny that. I can’t deny that. With money than we can have food. But, it’s more than just to have money to buy, pay, and sell. Any, to be clear. Shelter, clothes, medical supplies, to go to school, and even, to make business as to make money, by doing what we love as a career or business, still need – money. It’s the reality of life, now. Actually, for a long time ago. We know that, right.. But, because of this, sometimes and some people started to feel like “what I want in life?”. With struggle come and go, ups and downs, fall and get back up, truths is, it’s open our eyes.

“What I want in life?” – a question that at least once in our lives time, we will ask to ourselves. It’s become our step to ourselves on what we want to do.. I think, I could say. So.. After sometimes, since pandemic started last year.. Well.. I realize, on this matter.

What I learned, since grew up, and grow old, doing what I do now, love it, paper to paper to another.. But with what happened right now, it’s tough.. The art scene itself effected really bad, not only the artists, but all that involves.

It’s give me the effects too. But I know that, there’s nothing much I can do. I only can just do my artworks. But what I want at the same time?.

“Don’t want any stress or pressure. Just do my artworks. No more chasing submission. Enjoy the process, let go if can’t catch up. If not feeling it, leave. Watch Netflix, drama, movies. Do gardening, play with soil. Cooking time, enjoy the moment. Smell and have a taste. Have a mug of Milo. Eat well but have some donuts or pizza. Just, being at home and do my things..”

I have no judgment on women that want to become full time housewife, it’s a good thing, since house chores is a never ending things in our lives to deal with. Of course, it’s not a gender role thing, men in this too, together. But just talking about “women that choose to be”. Respect for those choose it. If a woman or person want to, I think no need to tell them to go out to make money, unless they want to do so. And also if it’s other way around. Both good and have reasons why. We don’t know their situation at the end..

But, as an artist, I just wanted to do show. If I’m feeling stuck between the process and love it at the same time, I’ll go outside, gardening, or bake some biscuits or cake.. A simple life, they said?

It’s not bad, isn’t it..?

This is just mine, totally. Please do respect if you know whoever that choose a different kind of vibes in life, simple or whatever. It’s a choice of a person who deal with something we don’t know somehow.. I hope, things gonna be alright. With what I’m currently working on..